The Sketch

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The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:36 pm

With the help and opinions of the awesomely awesome people at WritingForums.org I was able to better revise and make this hopefully stronger. Smile If you are a writer, then I suggest checking this place out. Smile


He looked ahead and committed everything to memory. The way she sat on the bench, the profile of her face as she gazed some place far away. The way the giant mountains loomed in the background, but only increasing her beauty. If anything, the mountains were only beautiful because of her. His mind snapped a photo and glanced down at his open sketchbook that lay in his lap. Even now, before he picked up his instruments of the trade, lines were being drawn on the page.

He glanced back up to where Samantha was and smiled. Beautiful. Her strawberry blonde hair fluttered around her head. She broke her pose and attempted to wrangle in her hair. A perfect day with the perfect view of the perfect girl. He looked back down at the page and stared at the copy that could never capture her true beauty. He could now see her fluttering hair on the page as if it were an animation.

Then he looked up once more before finally putting his tools to work. She was back in her pose again. Her face turned sideways, her body twisted as to not face the mountains directly and her long hair was calm again. It would be his greatest work yet, he thought. He picked up his pencil and slowly began to trace along the lines he saw on the page.

He paid careful attention to how her arm extended across the top of the bench and how her fingers gripped at the wood like a vice. The way her hair fell on her shoulders, concealing part of her face from him. Everything about her had to be perfect. To show her how beautiful she was and how everything around her only made her more stunning. How else could he repay her? As the final details fell into place he dropped the pencil and held the sketch away from his face. His eyes flickered from the picture to the real thing. Satisfied he stood up. His legs were cold, sore, and cramped from the long period of sitting on the ground.

"You are an excellent model," he said offering her the rough sketch. She took it in her hands and held it as if it were some ancient artifact. Her eyes ran over the details. From the mountains, to how she sat. Then her eyes moved to the top corner. Her face, as best he could make it, was looking downward at herself sitting on the bench. She looked up at him, a smile spread across her face, a tear crawling down her rose colored cheeks. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat.
"Thank you." She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him close.
"It's not done," he whispered, "but if I kept you out here any longer you will get sick. I could never forgive myself.” As if nature wanted to make his point, a cold wind whipped past them. He pulled her closer to his body to give her warmth and hoping she could feel his love for her. He wasn't sure how long they sat there, but by the time they got to his truck, the first snow of winter had begun to blanket the world around them.


Last edited by Unit7 on Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:00 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Sometimes, late at night, I sit here and I wonder. The things I wonder vary from night to night. Sometimes I wonder about the stars and other nights I wonder about what tomorrow will be like. But recently I have been wondering what my life would have been like without you...-Samantha Greene
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Re: The Sketch

Post by pinkcupcake on Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:36 pm

Nicely written, I liked it! And if you want brutal honesty, the only thing I noticed was a few spelling and grammar errors. I really did like it though.

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Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing (Our song...LOVE YOU Ty... he's all I need)
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:38 pm

pinkcupcake wrote:Nicely written, I liked it! And if you want brutal honesty, the only thing I noticed was a few spelling and grammar errors. I really did like it though.

Yeah I typed it as I went. Didn't bother going over grammar(oh hell the only grammar that would have been caught is what Word would have picked up. lol) I am horrible with grammar. That and spelling.

Thanks for reading it. Smile

By any chance was it confusing as to what I was trying to describe? That while he could see the image he would be creating on the page, it was actually blank and that only he could see it?

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Re: The Sketch

Post by pinkcupcake on Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:44 pm

So wait... he didn't draw anything??

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C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing (Our song...LOVE YOU Ty... he's all I need)
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:52 pm

pinkcupcake wrote:So wait... he didn't draw anything??

No. He did. Wow maybe I confused it for you.

Before he starts drawing he sorta looks down on the image, and with the 'snapshot' of what he was going to draw, he could see lines and stuff begining to form. The idea was that he was seeing the end product before he ever started drawing and then he starts drawing it.

There was another instance where he looks up from this image and sees that the Girl is struggling with her hair as the wind is whipping it around. He glances down at the blank sheet and sees the wind messing with her hair on the page.

I wanted to know if that was clear in the writing. That he perfectly visualizes his work before he ever starts it.

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Sometimes, late at night, I sit here and I wonder. The things I wonder vary from night to night. Sometimes I wonder about the stars and other nights I wonder about what tomorrow will be like. But recently I have been wondering what my life would have been like without you...-Samantha Greene
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Re: The Sketch

Post by pinkcupcake on Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:01 pm

Ohhhhhhh. Maybe I'm just tired... but I didn't notice it, unfortunately. Not at first, until you said so. Now I see what you mean.

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C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing (Our song...LOVE YOU Ty... he's all I need)
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:06 pm

pinkcupcake wrote:Ohhhhhhh. Maybe I'm just tired... but I didn't notice it, unfortunately. Not at first, until you said so. Now I see what you mean.

Probably has to do with all that Mexican food you been eating lately!!

Hmm well I hope it wasn't to confusing. Hopefully someone will peek in here and help me make sure its not. Sad

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Sometimes, late at night, I sit here and I wonder. The things I wonder vary from night to night. Sometimes I wonder about the stars and other nights I wonder about what tomorrow will be like. But recently I have been wondering what my life would have been like without you...-Samantha Greene
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Re: The Sketch

Post by pinkcupcake on Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:14 pm

Hahaha xD

Hmm I don't think it was confusing, until you said that lol. Hopefully Smile I'm sure they will.

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C'mon sweet thing
Won't you climb on out of your window
while the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
and there's no way I'll be leavin
til we're kissing on the porch swing
oh my little sweet thing (Our song...LOVE YOU Ty... he's all I need)
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Mon Jul 19, 2010 8:17 pm

pinkcupcake wrote:Hahaha xD

Hmm I don't think it was confusing, until you said that lol. Hopefully Smile I'm sure they will.

Haha yeah. If you need someone confused on something they were not confused about(though you didn't even notice...) just send them my way. I could make making popcorn more confusing then it is!

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Re: The Sketch

Post by deanna5126 on Fri Jul 23, 2010 11:31 am



It wasn't confusing. Not for me at least. Don't worry, it was very well written Smile
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Fri Jul 23, 2010 10:01 pm

deanna5126 wrote:

It wasn't confusing. Not for me at least. Don't worry, it was very well written Smile

Thank You. Smile

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Re: The Sketch

Post by brown eyes sp on Sat Jul 31, 2010 8:25 am

Well done.

You know something funny? The place they are sitting sounds EXACTLY like Howard's Knob, a peak above town where you can see the whole town and the surrounding mountains. It's been one of my favorite spots for years, and I felt like I was there while I was reading Smile .
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Sat Jul 31, 2010 2:51 pm

brown eyes sp wrote:Well done.

You know something funny? The place they are sitting sounds EXACTLY like Howard's Knob, a peak above town where you can see the whole town and the surrounding mountains. It's been one of my favorite spots for years, and I felt like I was there while I was reading Smile .

Hmm maybe thats what I will call it in the story? Something I have actually meant to get to... but kept getting distracted and delaying it. >.<

Which reminds me I have a edited and revised version of this small excerpt. Very Happy

*goes off to put it up*

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Sometimes, late at night, I sit here and I wonder. The things I wonder vary from night to night. Sometimes I wonder about the stars and other nights I wonder about what tomorrow will be like. But recently I have been wondering what my life would have been like without you...-Samantha Greene
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Re: The Sketch

Post by secret_life8 on Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:38 pm

i understood it. the only thing was spelling like pink said. but good job.
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Hannah_Banana222 on Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:41 pm

It was good, but it didn't seem to have that touching emotional aspect most of your stuff seems to have. I didn't really feel anything or see a point, really. But it was beautifully written. Smile
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Re: The Sketch

Post by Unit7 on Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:57 pm

Hannah_Banana222 wrote:It was good, but it didn't seem to have that touching emotional aspect most of your stuff seems to have. I didn't really feel anything or see a point, really. But it was beautifully written. Smile

Yeah for some reason I have been off with adding any real emotional depth to my writing. Its like I can only write whats on the surface and what you can see and even that has been limited as of recently. Sad

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Sometimes, late at night, I sit here and I wonder. The things I wonder vary from night to night. Sometimes I wonder about the stars and other nights I wonder about what tomorrow will be like. But recently I have been wondering what my life would have been like without you...-Samantha Greene
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Re: The Sketch

Post by brown eyes sp on Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:49 am

Unit7 wrote:
Hannah_Banana222 wrote:It was good, but it didn't seem to have that touching emotional aspect most of your stuff seems to have. I didn't really feel anything or see a point, really. But it was beautifully written. Smile

Yeah for some reason I have been off with adding any real emotional depth to my writing. Its like I can only write whats on the surface and what you can see and even that has been limited as of recently. Sad

Eh, happens to the best of us. I've been doing something equally frustrating...coming up with awesome characters but having no idea what to do with them.
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